Me

I've been running away for so long.

Running away from this small whispering in my mind.

Which I now recognize as the truth.

The truth about myself.

This truth that I am a writer.

I've been trying so hard to become someone I’m not.

Disguising my lack of identity in the spirit of “trying new things”.

Yet with each new hobby discovered, I was one step closer at burying my true self.

Never to be found again.

 The truth never gave up fighting for me.

The truth revealed that I am a thinker, not a musician, singer, nor anything else;

but me.  

Patience: Vlog

Hey, this is Alex reading you one of my poems, Patience. There is supposed to music playing in the background, but that didn't work. So just so you know "Sunshine of your love" is what is supposed to be playing. haha :) Anyways...Enjoy!
Grace be with you,
Alex S.

Annie

Annie was her name...Her  life was so dull.
Her mother won't let her go anywhere. 
She feels trapped, but why? 
There was nothing to be trapped from...At least that’s what she thought.
Oh, you ask where her father is? 
Well after her mother came back from the hospital , the family knew that she wasn't herself. Annie's father later committed suicide. No one knew why exactly, but Annie did. It was her mother, her mother was insane.  
So where could she turn? Who could she run to?
Annie tried multiple times to escape from her mother’s tenacious grip . 
"Sweetheart, where are you!" Annie heard her mother say. 
Whenever she asked where she was you could suspect something unpleasant was about to happen. 
"Yes mother, here I am." 
"Ah darling, well don't you look lovely this morning." 
Annie just looked at her waiting for her mother to go berserk. 
She waited for only a few moments, that's all it took.
Her mother looked like she was about to pass out. Then she lifted her head back up. Annie wished she hadn't...because now her mother's eyes were not her own, and she looked at her with a menacing smile. One that gave Annie cold feet.  

Unexpected Chaos

So I have been thinking on this story for some time now. Part of the reason I didn't post last week, sorry :(

Although I am quite sure that I will finish this one (for once, haha). Honestly I am not sure where I am going with this story, it is leading down a rabbit trail to who knows where...

Take the journey with me??

Well I hope you all enjoy!

Grace be with you all,

Alex S.

Her hands were warm to the touch. She was smiling at me as if nothing else on this planet mattered, and I wanted to keep it that way. We were walking down the sidewalk hand-in-hand. Slowly the sun began to set before our eyes, and before I knew what I was doing I stopped walking, pulled her back, and—as if in a movie—she turned. Then we kissed as she wrapped her arms around me. Despite the cool air, my body was filled with warmth from her lips. We pulled away, looking into each other’s eyes with no conviction or fear. Everything about this night was perfect…

I awoke to my brother's rap music blaring in our room. I tried to get up but, as soon as I felt a slight pain in my back and  looking up to my bed, I realized that I had either fallen off my bed or my little brother had pushed me off. (Which, in some cases, the latter seemed very logical, but in others it was ridiculous. I mean, I was almost twice his size!) I switched the music off and got dressed; looking at the clock I saw that it was almost past noon. Past noon?! Aw man, well I suppose there would be no reason to go to school this late anyways. Now what am I do with my day, since I already gave myself the day off...

 Wait a second, why didn't mom try to wake me up knowing that I would be late for school? And why would Sam leave his music on. It's not like him at all. Fear crawled through my body. I peered out my door. The hallway was cold like the heat had been off for hours. No lights were turned on. 

            Well this isn't completely creeping me out…While I'm about to round the first corner that leads down the stairs I half expect a zombie to jump out from around the corner, chase me back to my room, and eating my brains out. But I should’ve known, nothing was there and, like the rest of the house, I find that it is dark and cold—no zombies or monsters. Man, why couldn't it be a little more exciting? I wanted to use my zombie apocalypse kit that I bought last week. Oh well, perhaps another time. 

I know that dad is okay since he is at work, and Sam should have caught the bus this morning, but what about mom? Where did she go? We only own one car, so there is no way she went shopping. 

With some further searching of the house I found nothi— Wait, is that blood on the couch? There was a trail from something being dragged from the couch to the back door marked by blood. Oh, my stomach tightened, and I felt nauseous. 

A phrase kept running through my mind: This can't be happening, oh please no. Following the trail of blood to the back door I hesitated to open the door. Before my hands touched the doorknob a thought crossed my mind: What if whoever did this is still here? But I couldn't leave not knowing what's behind this door. Or instead of opening the door that could possibly lead to my death I could go through the front door and run around to the back. Which one to choose... Go through the back door and find a bloodied killer waiting for you to fall into his trap? Or go through the front door to find that there is a horde of zombies waiting for me. Decisions, Decisions...

I looked at the trail of blood one more time hoping that it had been a figment of my imagination. Nope, it was definitely real, unfortunately. I felt my stomach tighten up once again, I took a deep breath and walked to the front door. Before I opened the door, I almost hoped that I would be greeted by a zombie rather than face the gruesome truth of a serial killer in my house. The door swung wide open and before me was not standing a zombie, but a man in dark clothes and a hat which read: "FBI". 

Oh man, you gotta be kidding me... 

Before I had a chance to say or do a thing the man took me by the arm, turned me around, grabbed my other arm, and started to handcuff me. "Hey, what are you doing to me?! You have no right," I yelled at the man, who seemed to not even hear me. He started to read me my Miranda rights, "Look I don't need to be silent I didn't do anything!" I fought hard to get free, but it was no use. This man was huge and had a death-grip on me. Kind of suiting since he probably thinks I killed whoever is outside, but now was not the time to plead for my life. First, I gotta figure out how to get out of this situation. 

"So where are you taking me?" I asked inquisitively as if I didn't already know where I was going. The agent just grunted at me. Great, getting nowhere fast (except that I'm headed right towards the electric chair). Looking around, I noticed that there was an axe handle with a towel wrapped around the head in the passenger’s seat in the agent's sleek cliché SUV. Wait, an axe, why would an...Oh man, oh man, oh man. I am so dead.

The agent looked through his rearview mirror and smirked at me. Chills washed through me, and I was clearly unsettled. He knew it too.

You know, despite the fact of being trapped in a car with a serial killer, I find it almost humorous that I am not strapped down except for my seat belt. Which gave me an idea on how to escape, although there was one dilemma that I did face. We were driving on the highway at 50 mph.     

Okay David, it is now or never. I quietly unhooked my seat belt and made sure that he was completely oblivious to what I was doing. I waited for the opportune moment. Just as I was about to reach for the door, the man turned, giving me a weird look. I sat there and tried to act as normal as possible until he turned back around. Luckily it was only for a moment before he continued to drive. And, without a second thought, I opened the door of the SUV and jumped out with everything I had in me... 

Patience

There is so much more that I wish I could tell you 

It feels like I am keeping secrets from you 

I want to tell you everything that I am feeling

It’s exploding from every fiber of my being

I can’t say it, it’s on tip of my tongue

Every moment I’m around you

My reality falls apart

And you are the only thing precious to me

Are these feelings real? 

Should I trust them? 

Or just toss away this love I know? 

It seems that everything is falling into place

Am I dreaming? 

Do you see what I see? 

Do you feel what I feel? 

I pray every night 

Asking God if you are the one

I can hear him say 

“Patience my son” 

It is so hard

But I am willing 

I will wait, I will always wait for you.

His Grace

This is something I wrote in the beginning of May. I was feeling kind of down, and I felt so distance from God. So I decided to write this poem describing my feelings along with the truth of God through it. I hope this touches you as it did me, Enjoy!
Grace be with you all
, Alex S.

It feels like fate is pulling you away from me.
Please do not leave me.
I wish I could be with you always.
You have turned your face away from me with sorrow;
For I have loved another.
Do you still love me?
How many more failures will it take
Solely to realize you are the only one for me?


You care for me like a father;
You died for my sake.
It is foolish to ask if you love me.
For you say you love your children unconditionally.
But father, am I even worthy of your forgiveness?

All the sins I have committed,
They are too many to count.
But still you love me,
Thank you. 

Deception

Hey guys! Well it has been a while since I have posted, but I am here again with something new that I have just written.  For those who may be confused about what is happening, it is story of someone being tempted by the manifestation of Satan; it shows how he will try and deceive you with things of this Earth. But, if you reject these things, he will stop the masquerade and try to destroy your soul by attacking it fully, and to defeat him we must call on our Savior Jesus Christ to save us.  This is what I have tried to illustrate to you.

Grace be with you all

, Alex S.

^“6 I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting him who called you in the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel— ⁷ not that there is another one, but there are some who trouble you and want to distort the gospel of Christ. ⁸ But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach to you a gospel contrary to the one we preached to you, let him be accursed. ⁹ As we have said before, so now I say again: If anyone is preaching to you a gospel contrary to the one you received, let him be accursed.” – Galatians 1: 6-9

   


  It was so peaceful here. The sky was clear, birds chirping in the distance. The only thing that could make it perfect is if she was here. “Who is this 'she' you are thinking about?”
I turned around to see a tall man dressed in a tuxedo looking off into the distance. “Excuse me?”

     I love you…
     He responded without giving me a single glance. “Who is this lady that wish to be with?”
     “How could you possibly know what I was thinking?”
    “Ahh, but you see I am here for you and your benefit only. That was only a parlor trick compared to what I can do.” I looked into his eyes for what seemed a long time, although only a couple of seconds. His eyes seemed to lure me in. And I wanted to know more of what he could do, so I asked him.  He chuckled, “I can give you anything you want, happiness, the love of your life, and even salvation.”
     I raised my eyebrow at the latter statement he made about salvation. “But I am already a Christian...” 

     I love you…
     “You don’t understand son, this salvation is completely free, all you have to do is abandon this faith that you think can save you.” I kept silent leaning closer to him. “You see, this faith in Jesus Christ who supposedly died for you is a lie that everyone tells you to keep you in line and keep you from truly having fulfillment in your life. With me I can have all the peoples of this earth praising your name even after death.”
This was quite the offer, everyone praising me and anything I could ever want in a lifetime. The man’s eyes became wide with anticipation. 
     “Out of curiosity I have to ask, how do you know that everything I believe is a lie?”
     “Well it is quite simple actually, someone made the whole thing up for a story that they were writing, and some of the religious fanatics took the man’s story seriously.”  

     Run from evil…

     I sat there for a moment considering everything he had said. I stood up, looked the man in the eyes and shook his hand. “I’m sorry but I am already taken.” I then started to walk away from the man. Only a moment later I felt myself trapped in his grasp with his arms around me. “What do you want from me?” I gasped trying to struggle free. He leaned his head closer to mine whispering into my ear, “I want your soul.”  I panicked; I needed to get away from this monster. I squeezed my eyes shut praying, pleading with God to save me from this.
     The man was laughing, he was laughing at me and my weakness.

     I am strong in your weakness…

     “I gave you a chance at everything, and you rejected me, so now I will devour you.” He said confidently.

 I couldn’t hold it any longer; my strength was failing me. 
     “God save me! Have mercy on me!” I screamed aloud. And in a blink of an eye I was released from his grip, I looked all around and the man had completely disappeared. I fell to my knees praising the one true God, thanking Him for saving me from death. 

Would You?

Hey guys! Yes, as you can see I have written yet another poem. As I said in my last post it is something close to my heart. Anyways! Read and enjoy!
Grace be with you all,
Alex S.

Is it love?
Is there something to this?
Do you feel what I feel?
I'm scared to move-
What if the ground I stand on falls?
What if everything I know is a lie?
I don't want to let you go.
You are the reason I wake up.
Without you I am nothing.
Please, how much more must I play this charade that I care not for you?
I'm tired of playing games,
Take off your mask and run with me.
We'll fly and change the world,
Take a ride with me?

My Love

Hey guys! I usually don't write poetry, but this is something that has been on my heart and this is how it came out. 
I would call this more of a free write than a true rhyming poem. If I were standing next to while you were reading this I would probably blush because this is something that has come straight from my heart and it feels weird sharing it with the world. I feel that a lot of people can relate to this, so I decided to share it. :)
But enough of my talking, read and enjoy!
Grace be with you all,
Alex S. 
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Why do I do this to myself?
I stay up all night waiting for you,
But you are nowhere to be found.
Do you fancy another?
All I want is to talk to you,
Hear your voice one more time,
See your beautiful face one last time.
Do you feel the same towards me
Or is this some sort of illusion?
Please tell me.
It is killing me inside.
I am only a shell of my former being.
Please, I need you;
Do not leave me.

The Whispers - Chapter 2

Okay guys this is the second chapter to my story the Whispers. Out of all I have written for this story, this right now is my favorite chapter. Currently Caleb is experiencing both darkness and light vying for his life, will he believe the lies of the darkness, or will he accept the love and peace of the light?

This story for me, has a lot to with my spiritual life, as it used to be, up and down believing anything that I could hold onto even for a brief moment. This is the quickest way to losing yourself, I hope that as you continue to read this story that you will never lose sight of what's real and what is a lie.

Enjoy!

Alex S.

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I was falling.

Falling into darkness. Strangely enough I felt no need to panic. Suddenly there was a sound of a women shrieking; it wasn't just anyone's cry, it was my mother's. Chills flew down my spine. This was the last thing I heard right before she died. No, she didn't just die...She was killed. There was no proof of murder; the police said it was just an accident. There had to be more, something about this memory was so wrong. I knew that I couldn't remember everything that happened. Yet, every time I would try to recall it, I would just get a fuzzy image of my mother's face. Suddenly I was jerked to a stop in midair by an unseen force. Out of the darkness a scene played out in front of me. Before I knew it, I was standing on my old house porch in South Carolina. Then it hit me, the scream, the house. This is where she had died. My heart pounded. My mother shoved the screen door open while trying to get my younger self to hurry up. I stood and watched in anticipation, knowing it would happen  at any time. 

My mother stood there rifling through her purse. I walked over and looked into her eyes even though I knew she couldn't see me. My heart swelled, and I felt myself tearing up. "Mom, I love you," I said, voice trembling. I tried to touch her face, but my hand passed through her. I had had enough, I wanted to go away from here, away from all these terrible memories. Suddenly the screen door slammed shut, I looked over to see my younger self with a school bag and heading right to my mother's side. She didn't even seem to notice him, and before I could understand what was going on, the younger me had pushed her off the side of the porch sent tumbling to her death. It all happened so fast, I didn't know how to respond. The younger me turned and stared me down with black hollow eyes that seemed to expose my entire being. Then after what seemed to be an eternity he broke the stare and ran in as a child would crying for help, as innocently as if he had done nothing wrong.

I opened my eyes. The room around me spun. For a moment I imagined I was lying on my bed, mother coming in to wake me. Nothing was wrong, my dad wasn't drunk, and my mother was alive. It was all too real, I never wanted to leave this place. Slowly the vision of my mother started to fade. The reality of life was setting in, and the feeling of happiness was drained from my soul. I tried once again to sit up and quickly remembered the cut on my hand as pain shot through my hand. I rearranged myself and used my right hand to prop myself up and sit up on the couch. I looked around my house, there wasn't much to it: plain white walls with paintings scattered about them. There were no family photos, my father had long ago torn them all down while drunk. He never talked about mom, but I knew that's why any photos of her. I secretly kept a photo of her for the longest time, until one day while I was at school, my father found it, and tore it to shreds. When I got home he yelled at me for betraying him and not loving him as much as I should. I didn't really understand why he said what he did, but I really don't care what he says or thinks anymore.

"I love you," A voice said.

"I love you." This time it was audible. I thought that it was my father saying it to me. My heart fluttered, hoping that my father had come back and was apologizing for all that he'd done. My mind raced with thoughts at how my life could be changed, if only he said he was sorry. I turned and looked over the couch. Nothing., no one was there except for me. Then my heart sank for I knew that it was a silly little voice in my head playing tricks on me. I threw my legs on the side of the couch sitting up; looking over at the clock, it read 7:45. 

I panicked! I was so late! I scrambled to my feet, ran upstairs and threw on a clean pair of clothes, brushed my teeth, and ran out the door. Wait! I skidded to a stop, and ran back inside. I had forgotten my backpack. I couldn't forget it again. Mr. Thornton would kill me! Well, to be more specific he would publicly humiliate me. Like I needed anymore of that. I ran as fast as I could to get to school. As I ran through the streets desperately trying to get to school, my mind was flooded with thoughts of Sara. Why was she constantly the subject on my mind? What made her so different from all the other girls? Perhaps it was destiny. . . Destiny? Who believed in that anymore? Suddenly a voice whispered in my ear. It was so close I could've sworn I felt the warm air from the soothing voice against my ear. It said. "Destiny is real." Those words stopped me dead in my tracks and I felt the words resonate in my heart. Where did that come from?

-edited AAA

The Whispers

Hey guys, this is an excerpt of a story that I have been working on, it's called 'The Whispers'.
Now the people that I have shown this story to ask me if Caleb is really me or someone I made up, and well it is me. Now my dad isn't a drunk or my mom isn't dead, but about 2 years ago if you would have asked me I would say that I hated my dad and my mom almost left us. And this story was a way for me to express my life at that time through my imagination. Thankfully my family life has been restored and I hope that each part of the story I post that you will enjoy this story of redemption. :)

Alex S.

It was late.

Eleven-thirty to be exact. And on a moonlit night I found myself wandering through the streets of Lancaster, Washington. I knew it wasn't safe, but truthfully I really didn't care. All I wanted to be was away from home. I hadn’t been able to understand it. My mother dying and my father being a drunk. How did I get here, wandering the streets of Washington.

Everyday at school was like having rocks thrown at me, people constantly beating me down with the insults. There was only one good thing I could think of that I liked about school was seeing Sara Cooper. You could say I had a crush on her since the third grade when she moved to my school from Indiana. I knew it would never happen, I mean she was the most beautiful girl in school. Well maybe not the most beautiful girl, but as my mother always said, beauty was in the eye of the beholder. My heart sank, if only she were here to talk to, and tell me everything would be okay. I missed her so much.

Sometimes I wished at night that I wouldn't wake up the next morning. I didn't really mean it, but I was hurting so bad seeing all of my friends have moms to love them, I had no idea what that felt like. She died while I was a boy. Something told me that it was one of the greatest things you could have. I looked down at my watch, I really needed to get home, school was tomorrow and had a bunch of algebra homework to get done.

I hoped that my father had skipped out on the drinking and went to bed, but I doubt it knowing him, it was rare if my father didn't drink. The only reason my father got up in the morning was to go to work. I felt sorry for my father sometimes because from what he would tell me before becoming more depressed was that my mother was the reason he woke up every morning. I never pushed the issue any further. What if my father lost it altogether? What if I had to live alone or in an orphanage? The thought made my heart heavy. I looked up at the skyscrapers, the lights, and rushing cars. Life never stops, it never gives you a break. All I ever wanted was time to stop for a while so I could work through all my emotions. There was no time for that. He had to be strong; I had to keep going and never give up. Time was running away from me, and I soon found myself jogging through the streets of Washington. Running past people gathering at the light posts, but I got too close to an alley and ran into a larger man with a menacing look in his eyes.

"Hey, slow down there kid." The big man said. I looked up at him breathless. "What’re you looking for?" I thought about what the man was asking, and then it hit me. He thought I wanted drugs. I stumbled for a moment while the big man just looked at me dumbly.

“Uh I. . .” I was stumbling with my words. “Uh, no thanks.” I managed to say clearly. I shifted my eyes down and headed on my way. The man looked back at me like I was crazy, but I didn’t care what he thought.

I twisted the doorknob and the door squeaked as it opened. I walked in, then stopped to listen to hear if my father was awake. Nothing. At least it was better than him stumbling through the kitchen drunk. I walked through the kitchen just to see if he had been drunk earlier. Looking around I spotted a cracked liquor bottle and what looks to be the shards of a shot glass. I just shook my head.

This is never going to end, what did I expect to happen. Just to wake up one morning and my father be happy as ever and sober. Yeah, sure I thought. When I thought about it, I've only seen him drunk one time. Chills flew down my spine, I never wanted to see that again. I never wanted to be a part of that. After I had seen that I made a promise that I would never get caught up in alcohol or drugs. I now see what it does to people, it destroys everything they hold dear to them. If only his father could see what he was doing to himself.

I sighed and reached down to pick up the shards of glass. I slipped, and the palm of my hand was cut wide open. "Agh!" I heard myself say aloud. I winced. Instinctively, I grabbed the cut with my other hand. Blood was pooling on my palm and dribbling on the floor. I ran over to the sink to wash the cut out. Suddenly I felt dizzy, I was losing too much blood. I panicked and turned, trying to get a towel, tripping over myself. I slammed hard against the floor, I could smell the distinct scent of blood. It was no use trying to get up, for my world slowly drifted away into black...

~Edited by Sharon, AAA

Nightmare

Alright guys, here is my post, enjoy! , Alex S

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I watched the pen as if in slow motion fall onto the floor. It rolled under the bed. I sighed and got down to get it. My hand reached for the pen in the darkness. I couldn't find it. "Where did it go?"  I continued to search. Suddenly my hand had touched something, it felt like a pen although it was ash-like. I reached a little further; my heart almost jumped through my chest. It was a finger. I quickly tried to pull back, but that finger was attached to a hand, which had grabbed my hand. I was petrified with fear. My mind was instantly filled with thoughts of evil. Amidst these thoughts, one came through asking the question: "What is happening to me?" I couldn't see anything but darkness. I fought desperately against the thing that was dragging me, but the harder I struggled the tighter his grip became. The thing kept pulling me until I was completely under the bed. I tried to scream, but nothing came out. I breathed in; there was no air. My whole body started to shake spontaneously; I was having a seizure! I looked up, sweat pouring over me, I saw that there was no bed above me...and with that thought I fell into unconsciousness.

Where was I? The thing's grip had disappeared. I wasn't lying on my bedroom floor anymore, but now on rocky ground. A blood red sky was painted before me, and then my back, my back was burning like fire! I jumped off the ground and onto my feet. I looked down.. My shoes were starting to melt. What is this place? Looking around I could see five blackened figures heading my way with their heads lowered. I was lost in indecision to either run to see who or what they were or run the other direction. Then a strong arm that was seemingly made of ashes grabbed my neck, thrust itself back and threw me to the ground. I looked up to see what it was. I wish I hadn't. It was some kind of creature with black holes where their eyes had been gouged out and rotted out teeth. Suddenly they were all over me and tearing the flesh off my bones. I screamed in agony, I knew now that this was Hell. I cried out for God to save me. And in that moment I awoke from my nightmare in a pool of sweat. I sat up in my bed and immediately began to ask God in my life and thanked him for his great and enduring love.

~Edited AAA