Thursday, June 21, 2012

The curse of age

Photo by DanulenKal
Age is a fickle thing that can't help but come to us all at the most inopportune times. While at OSU, I hadn't really thought about it much. The biggest age gap between my peers and I was four years, at most, but such a difference seemed irrelevant. Coming back to Monroe, OH, the difference fluctuated, and suddenly I feel as if I'm the oldest. This next piece captures my mindset during the moment when I first realized this.


"Graduating to a new view"

“For every action there is a reaction.” That’s what I mutter to myself. Insanity drenches my self-image as I attempt once more to console my mind about all of the things I’ve lost. Time passes by. I stare ahead. Friends wave goodbye. I wish myself dead. I’m growing up, in an ill-fated sort of way. Understanding it any other way just wouldn’t fit.

Eyes that once tempted my soul. Lips that once made me shy. Beauty that once made me quiver. “Once” is the key word, but no key fits a mind so wanting of a lock. The door is closed, and her heart is missing. No, not missing...Simply gone. Yes, gone...She gave it to that fellow sitting by her side. So comfortable is he that I can’t imagine this scene any other way. Still, I stare ahead.
People around me speak. “For every action there is a reaction,” I whisper back. Now, it is they who stare.
“What?” the closest asks.
“Nothing,” I respond with knowledge that they wouldn’t understand the quote. “Equivalent exchange” (or something of the like) is what we call it, but what equivalence is given for this insanity? “Save me,” I mutter to my savior, a thousand miles away. No doubt, she won’t hear; won’t care.
Still, she sits. Still, I stare. Time flows in its curved fashion regardless of either. Or is it because of both? Maturity has cursed my soul, and I stand to lose it all. So, I keep staring, keep muttering, and keep the hope that a reaction will be drawn.

Fate drives me.

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