Looking back

photo by phatpuppy

“Biased Memories”

           Alone, I’m here, walking these streets. Darkness has brought my thoughts to life and answers have cured this body of strife. “Do you remember where this started?” I whisper to anyone who will listen. The warmth of summer fills this neighborhood’s silent air. “I can remember it like it were yesterday.” My feet stop at a corner, below a lamppost, illuminating my memories as they escape my delighted self.
          You were a girl I hardly knew. Yet, still, you played my wife on the stage. I was a shy kid without any friends. Yet, fast forward a few months, and you were the only one listening. My eyes stare out into the darkness as images of her walking by my side reenact themselves before me. I guess I screwed up by dating another girl instead. I laugh. But Fate knows how this all plays out.
           The light goes out above me, and my feet bring me around the corner. No one else graces this night with their presence. I enjoy the loneliness though. Still, I sigh as I step onto the parking lot of the high school I use to explore. Phantoms pass by once more. An ex-girlfriend’s kiss and devotion shock my body, while the ghosts of a friend’s threat attempt to kill me. I shudder, but my smile never fades. “Well, old building,” I speak. “You haven’t changed one bit. Are you happy to see that I have?” Will you be happy to see that I have? Her face enters my mind once more, and I slowly begin to wonder why she’d care about a “wretch” like me.
            Is it your kindness? Is it your life? What makes you see more of me than the others? A bonfire sets ablaze in the grasses to the right of the high school—hopefully another illusion. Teenagers stand around the fire with cans of Mountain Dew and Pepsi in their hands. A marching band waits yards away. “There I am,” I state as I suddenly see myself with a sousaphone wrapped around my body. Younger kids fight for my attention, but all the girls are appalled by my presence. There I am… The girl I’d put my hope into back then had fled with the smile my youth had worn. How could she behave differently than they had? None of it makes sense, even as the images fade and my feet start again.
           The high school passes on my right, consumed in its abandonment. I’d once thought of it like me, in a way. All alone and only used when convenient. I guess our ways have parted. I follow up a small hill until a secondary parking lot blocks my path. A dark car sits alone in the lot, and, suddenly, buildings pop up behind it. My eyes can see the events inside the car unfold.
           Her and I sit with smiles upon our faces. I truly can’t remember smiling that wide, but these illusions have yet to lie. That night you’d felt the same, huh? I shake my head. I guess I just wasn’t mature enough to follow it through. The illusions fade quicker than before as my feet scrape the ground. I head out of the parking lot; away from the school; back towards the darkened streets. “Just be careful,” I mutter as my happy thoughts linger a bit longer. “I could love you without much reason.”